Grown women unable to stand up to parents is quite possibly one of the most common reasons us ladies have unnecessary stress in our lives. We’re doing it to ourselves, and it’s slowly breaking us. And we all know we have to break this weird cycle, especially if we want our kids to grow up healthier and happier in a world that’s vastly different from the one we all were raised in.
But why do we have such issues with standing up to our parents? Why is standing your ground with parents such a roadblock in your mind?
Why Don’t Adult Children Stand Up to Parents
Respect. Depending on the home you were raised in, more often than not, respect for your elders was drilled into you all day, every day. There was no questioning your parents, and you certainly weren’t allowed to talk back. Mom and Dad knew best because they were older. They lived their lives for far longer and knew exactly what was right and what was wrong in the world. And it was black and white, no room for any grey.
Unfortunately, growing up in this kind of household truncates a woman’s ability to speak up when something doesn’t sound, or feel, right. We were trained not to question anyone, or we’d suffer the wrath of a parent for showing disrespect. It’s hard to break that programming. But it isn’t impossible.
Ladies, it’s time we learn some new ways of handling our business! It is NOT a sign of disrespect to:
disagree with our parents' ideas and beliefs
live our lives on our own terms
break free from traditions and rituals
want to have a healthy mind and change some of the painful patterns so we don’t raise our kids for a world that has changed dramatically over the last 100 years
We’re all conditioned, even our parents, to believe any kind of “difference of opinion” or “difference of beliefs” is somehow a direct insult to our inner being. Parents are no different than us. It’s been this way in many homes for centuries. Hell, even cave men and women were living like this back in the day. We feel disrespected easily, and often this means aggressive fights and everyone is left feeling offended.
So, how do you respectfully stand up to your parents as a grown-ass woman?
Respectfully Standing Up to Parents
It’s not easy to stand your ground with parents. Most believe they know best and aren’t big on listening to you about the research you have done, or the ideas that you have to improve upon the life they provided for you. If you know ahead of the game how stubborn parents can be, you’re more likely to find success in standing your ground.
Be clear about your boundaries, and calmly enforce them.
Acknowledge their feelings.
When you feel emotions are starting to run high (because they will), let your parents know you need to step away and collect your thoughts. Once you’ve calmed down, and can speak with kindness and understanding, return to the conversation. Repeat this process until you feel comfortable with the situation.
Have some backup! Not so much during the conversation, but more as a sounding board for how to handle yourself.
Surround yourself with a supportive community. When you’re feeling like it’s a no-win situation, you need to have people in your life that can listen to you, support you, and basically remind you that you deserve to live life on your terms without feeling as if you’re hurting your parents.
Remaining calm, and not allowing your parents to get under your skin takes time. Sometimes it takes some serious help from professionals who can provide guidance, support, and an ear to listen. Therapists know all too well how important parents are to an adult child, but they also know you can’t allow them to dictate how you live your life and raise your kids.
Putting Parents in Their Place Isn’t Easy
At the end of the day, sometimes parents are just going to stay offended when you stand your ground. If you want them to remain in your life, you’ll want help learning ways to handle yourself so it doesn’t hamper your own personal growth, self-esteem, and parenting your own children. Plus, you’ll need to talk through a lot of situations in order to get past them and keep moving forward towards a healthier mind and body. That’s what I’m here to help you with.