Break Up with Negative Self Talk
Updated: Mar 15
I’m guilty, you’re guilty, everyone is guilty of negative self talk. For some reason our brains are wired to welcome the negative and block out the positive. It’s almost as if we crave the negative crap in order to feel normal, and society hates when we love ourselves, doesn’t it? When we love ourselves, we’re labeled as conceited and full of ourselves. Hating ourselves is the more acceptable way of life.
It’s also just plain wrong, and you need to stop doing that nonsense. You need to stop beating yourself up, because the damage is more far reaching than you could ever imagine.
Toxic Effects of Negative Self Talk
Negative self talk doesn’t just mess with your physical well-being, but it also lowers your ability to see and to capitalize on all the opportunities in front of you. But what is negative self talk? It’s any conversation you’re having with yourself inside your head (or sometimes out loud as you pace back and forth in your kitchen) that insists you should not believe in yourself, or your abilities.
So what? Hey, I still function in life. I eat. Sleep. Go to work. Have friends. What could this negative self talk really be doing to me? It couldn’t possibly be the reason why I’m:
stuck at a dead end job
losing my temper over everything
Yeah. I said it. Beating yourself up isn’t doing you any good. And don’t be fooled. Negative self talk can sometimes sound like you’re doing yourself a favor, like “I’m not great at doing this kind of thing, so instead of getting myself hurt, I’ll just not do it.” Maybe, even after getting straight “A”s on 10 biology tests, but receiving a “C” on just one, we tell ourselves “I guess I’m not good at biology.” We believe this statement about not being good at biology, which turns into “Guess I should forget about college.”
Negative words, whether said to you from an outside source, or from your self talk, messes with us on so many levels. It limits our thinking. When you’re constantly telling yourself you can’t do things, you actually start to believe it. We end up stressed, which causes health issues. It can sink us into depression, and stir up anxiety. Toxic words infiltrate and once they’ve set up shop in our minds, life turns to garbage. No one wants a garbage life, right? Right!
How to Combat Negative Self Talk
Great, now what? What do we do to battle against negative self talk? How do we stop beating ourselves up? How do we shift our perspective and change how we speak to ourselves? There aren’t any easy fixes. You’ve been trashing yourself inside your head for years, and it’ll take a bit of time to minimize the negativity and eventually stop it completely.
When that voice starts spewing negativity in your head, take notice. If you would never say something to a friend, don’t say it to yourself. When you hear yourself acting up, shut the voice down. Hell, tell the voice in your head to shut up with your actual voice from your mouth.
Say What You’re Thinking OUT LOUD
When you speak the words out loud that your inner voice is saying, it helps you stop and realize how awful these thoughts are! Negative self-talk shouldn’t be allowed to hide in silence, especially since it’s usually complete horse poop.
Swap the Bad for the Good
Replace the self-bashing with some positive and encouraging talk. When negative thoughts creep in, quickly recognize the thought and swap it out with a good thought. Instead of just accepting the negative nonsense, ask yourself if this thought is helping or hindering me? If it’s hindering, then change up the negative thought with a different approach.
Instead of telling yourself “I’m going to fail this class because my professor hates me and I can’t write to save my life”, try swapping your negative thoughts to “Writing this paper will challenge my writing skills, and I have plenty of people around me to ask for guidance”. Asking for help is a strength.
How Would You Talk to Your Friend
Be the cheerleader to yourself just like you’re a cheerleader to your friends. If you wouldn’t say something negative to your friend, stop telling it to yourself inside your head. It’s important to treat yourself just as well as you treat your closest friends.
Negative self talk isn’t realistic, it’s often laced with years of toxic beliefs you’ve picked up from outside sources. The thoughts in your head take up valuable real estate, so train yourself to stop the negativity and embrace realistic ideas. No one is asking you to be positive 24/7. Stuff happens. The goal is drowning out the self limiting thoughts as often as possible.
Let’s Work Together so You Can Stop Beating Yourself Up
Are you struggling with negative thoughts and need help coping with them? We can work together to turn negative thoughts into positive outcomes. We’ll have you thinking realistically instead of allowing your mind to lie to you, creating negative scenarios in your head that are severely limiting you and your future endeavors.