Is It Time to Walk Away?

Three things hold a relationship up, and love is the roof on top of them, not the walls. That’s the part the movie leaves out after the closing kiss. The week after. The dishes. The thing said at dinner that you’re still turning over at midnight.

First, before the three. If you’re afraid of your partner, or of what happens when you say no, that isn’t a communication problem. This isn’t the post for tonight. 988 is the crisis line. It answers a call or a text at any hour, with a counselor on the other end. 911 is for danger right now, or a medical emergency. Both numbers are on my contact page.

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So, is it time to walk away? I’m not going to tell you to leave. I’m not going to tell you to stay, either. That’s pretty much all the internet has to say about it, right? The three things are below, so you can see which one has given out.

The walls

Respect. Trust. Being able to say a true thing and have it land. Those three are the walls. A roof with no walls under it is a tarp on the ground!

When one of the three gives out, the love usually stays, which is exactly why it’s so confusing. You can love someone and not be respected by them. You can love someone and not believe a word they say. Both can be true. And noticing it isn’t your fault.

Wanting them is not asking too much

Want respect? Then apparently you’re high maintenance. Want the truth? Then apparently you’re paranoid. We’re taught that love is enough, and that’s how it does its damage. A woman who wants the three plain things can end up apologizing for wanting them. Wanting all three isn’t asking too much. It’s the MINIMUM!

If you want one thing to do with this, do it quietly, to yourself, this week. Name which of the three you’ve been going without, not what to do about it, just which one. Sometimes the question underneath “is it time to walk away” is really “why did I stop expecting this?”

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If there has been something to forgive in all of it, forgiving on your own clock has its own post here. If you’ve already left and it went fine but hurts anyway, mourning a good relationship is the post for that week. Patterns that repeat with the people closest to you are a lot of what I work on. There’s more about me on my About page.

Which of the three has given out? You already know. You’ve known for a while. Knowing is a beginning, and that’s huge. What you do next is still yours.

When you’re ready, request a time or write to me.

On solid ground,

Acelli